Owen Ashton: Rise Above Personal Challenges to Prosper and Enjoy Life!
  • Owen Ashton - Home
  • Hire to Speak
  • Owen's book
  • Contact
  • Resources

Getting Help for Mental Illness Like We Do for Physical Diseases

5/26/2011

0 Comments

 
When we opened our apartment front door, she marched right into our kitchen and started looking through our cabinets!  That’s what the middle-aged nurse from the county health department did when she visited our home.  She was looking for partly filled prescription medication bottles that would give evidence that I had been taking my pills.  I was considered a public health hazard with the tuberculosis that had set-in to my right lung lobe.  I had been diagnosed a few months before when I saw my doctor for a persistent cough.  Apparently I was infected a few years before when I was a missionary in Puerto Rico. The disease had lay dormant for a few years, and then flared up.

Everyone told me they hoped I would heal soon.  It wasn’t just the county health department: my wife and children, my parents, my sisters and brother, my neighbors and friends, and even my former employer.  The health department had required that about 30 people from my previous work department to be tested for TB.  Some of them let me know that they were not happy about that.  It seemed like no one was shy about discussing my disease with me.

The person who wanted a quick recovery the very most was…me!  I didn’t like the idea of being a public health risk.  Further, almost all of my regular daily activities were ordered to cease by my doctor.  I couldn’t attend college.  I couldn’t work, I couldn’t play basketball or tennis, and I couldn’t hike.  I had to stay home and rest.  Other than feeling tired, there were no other symptoms once the cough went away after I was on the medication for just a few weeks.   I had to stay in our small apartment and basically do nothing.  It was like being a criminal under house arrest.

After three or four months, the medications did work and I was considered cured.  Other than having to explain the small dime-sized scar left in my right lung whenever a chest X-ray was taken, it was like I had never had the dreaded disease.

I explain all of this because when I consider how the subject of mental illnesses is treated by many people, the sentiments and reactions are so different from those of a physical ailment such as TB.  Rather than focusing in on the condition and offering help and support for a remedy, mental illness is treated like it’s a subject to be ignored.  It’s a taboo topic and discussion is forbidden.  Those plagued by it are viewed as less worthy of love and attention.

This all is such a tragedy. 

I believe that mental illnesses should be viewed and treated a lot more like physical ailments.  When someone has TB or just the flu, the condition isn’t ignored and allowed to fester with neglect.  Treatment is actively administered, even if all that is needed is rest and drinking plenty of fluids.  Most people don’t look down condescendingly at a person who gets TB or the flu.  Rather, they offer their sympathy and support.

Why must it be so different with those who suffer from mental illnesses? 

Mental illnesses are not rare, unusual things.  Studies show that few families in the United States are unaffected by mental illness.  Epidemiology experts estimate that one in five suffers from a mental illness, and of those, less than 40% receive stable treatment.

People afflicted with mental illnesses often feel shame so they try to keep their illness a secret.  They suffer in silence.  Sometimes such an approach is promoted by others.

When I was 18 years old and had a severe bout of depression, a family member told me that I should avoid allowing other family and friends to know of my condition.  When visitors came to our home, I was told to leave the living room so the guests would not be suspicious of why I was home from college for a few months.  For the same reason, I was told to not attend church.

More recently since I’ve published a book about my mental health journey (and revealed to the world all my secrets!), I’ve been taken back by how many individuals have approached me and said something like, “It’s nice to have someone else I can talk to about my mental health challenges.  Most people don’t understand.”

I don’t know what it will take to change perceptions and openness about mental health issues.  But the biggest tragic result of the state we seem to be in is that people who suffer from mental illness do not seek help and treatment.  Many stay stuck in the frustrations, pain, hopelessness, and loneliness.  These really hurt!

If someone was in pain and limping from breaking a bone in his leg, most people would think it was a tragedy if he did not promptly receive proper medical attention.  But this very tragedy happens to millions of those inflicted with mental illnesses.

Good treatments are available.  I have experienced the tremendous benefits of psychotherapy and medication for depression and anxiety.  These things have been miracles in my life.

Perhaps if each one of us responds favorably and proactively with love and understanding when we learn that a friend or neighbor is suffering from a bout with mental illness, we will help facilitate a change in how mental illness is viewed. 

We probably don’t want things to come to a point where public health nurses are bursting into homes to ensure that treatments such as antidepressant medication are being properly taken.  But we do need more understanding and support of family and friends.

0 Comments

Being Open with Others about our Mental Health Challenges

5/20/2011

0 Comments

 
Before I first shared my book manuscript with my sister Camille, I spent a sleepless night tossing,  turning, and tormenting that I would no longer be loved and respected by her.  What would she think about me after she knew all of my deep dark secrets?

Camille would be the first to know everything about my past, beyond my wife of course.  Then others would follow.   How would they treat me after they knew of my difficult past including being committed to a locked-down psychiatric ward?  Would they think I was no longer worthy of their companionship?

I had strategized the sequencing of with whom I would share the manuscript.  First, it would go to my siblings.  That group seemed safest, as they already had some knowledge of my past battles.  If that went all right, I would share it with my children.  That would be a big deal, as I wondered what would they would think of their father once they knew the real me.  If I survived those two rounds, I would share it with a few close friends.

After that, things would probably be okay, as I had written the manuscript under a pseudo name set in a fictitious setting.   If the manuscript were ever distributed beyond family and close friends, no one would know that the subject character was I.

The long night of mental torture ended.  I slowly ate my breakfast and read the newspaper.  After that I puttered around the house a bit to stall a while longer.  Finally, I braced myself mentally and made the difficult telephone call. 

“Camille, I’ve written a book manuscript about a certain aspect of my life: my mental health journey.  Would you mind reading it and giving me your thoughts?” 

“Sure Owen,” she said.  “Bring it right over to my home.  I’ve got some time today to read.”

Whew!  Difficult step number one completed!

I immediately delivered the manuscript that was in a three-ring white loose-leaf binder. After returning home, I couldn’t help but stew about what her response would be. 

But the wait wasn’t long.  Camille called me after just two or three hours:

“Owen, thank you so much for sharing this with me.  I have known a little of your challenges when you were in your late teens, but I had no idea of everything else you’ve been through.  I’m so impressed with how you’ve persevered and overcome.  My respect and admiration for you has grown many fold today.”

“Wow,” I thought, “ I hadn’t expected that kind of response.”   My sense of apprehension and fear turned into relief and thankfulness.  I appreciated Camille’s attitude and understanding.  I sensed that her reading of the manuscript would help our sibling relationship grow even warmer and deeper.  Over the next several months and since then, that is, indeed, exactly what has happened.

My sharing it with my other sisters and my brother and then with my children has brought similar responses and has helped forge even stronger ties with each of them.  One of my relationships that had been strained for a few years has moved to resolution, and sharing the manuscript appears to have played an important role.

As my circle of sharing the manuscript expanded, I’ve continued to marvel at the many positive responses.  A couple of close friends strongly encouraged me to put my own real name on the book, which I did.  After the book was first published and distribution of my story has expanded, it’s been exciting to see and feel the many affirmative responses.  Many have stated something like, “Thank you for sharing your struggles with me.  I’ve had my own, and it’s good to know I’m not alone.  May we talk more?  I think it would be helpful for me.”

My preoccupations with sharing more of myself with others seem kind of silly and irrational to me now as I look back.  But they were very real then.  They kept me in a state of internal self-shame and chronic turmoil for decades.  They were also a stumbling block to more meaningful relationships with others.

This all points to this principle of life: Generally, the more we share of our real selves with others, the stronger and deeper our relationships with them grow.  Also, as we are more genuine with others, we get in better touch with ourselves.  Being open elevates our level of happiness. 

So often we humans feel that to be liked, we must put on a wonderful façade of who we are, because we think the real us is not likable.  We must overcome these misguided feelings.  Robert Bolton, an author and psychologist, said it this way: “A genuine person can spontaneously be himself with another, so they know him as he truly is…By contrast, the inauthentic person conceals his real thoughts, feeling, values, and motives…Genuineness is essential to all vital relationships.”[i]

Being open and genuine with others not only builds relationships with others, but also helps us to be more in touch with ourselves.  It is therapeutic.

Of course there are places and occasions where we must be discrete in what we share about ourselves.  For example, back in my corporate finance management days, speaking with my employers and coworkers about my mental health struggles likely would have thwarted my career.  It’s a competitive, difficult world out there, and any perceived flaws can be used against you.   However, I’ve found that being totally open with family and close friends is rarely bad.  Beyond that inner circle of relationships, we would do well to try to be more appropriately open and genuine with everyone.

Now, I have learned, that instead of tossing and turning at night in fear of revealing more of myself, I can look forward with eagerness and excitement about how openly sharing my story will further strengthen a current relationship, help me find a new friend, and positively impact the lives of others.  My nightmares have turned to sweet dreams.

[i] Robert Bolton, People Skills: How to Asset Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts, Simon & Schuster, Inc. 1979, 260



0 Comments

Places of Escape and Renewal

5/7/2011

0 Comments

 
“The creek is running!”  Those were our excited words and sentiments on a day in May in 1964.  The five of us were on our daily mile-long walk to Oakridge Elementary.  About a third of way to school, the creek bed crossed under the residential street through a three-foot-diameter corrugated steel pipe so we could easily see the water flow.  We resisted the temptation to jump in or wade in the cold rushing water.  Our school clothes needed to be kept nice, of course.  Maybe after school?

The creek that ran for just a few weeks drew us into Neffs Canyon from where it flowed.  My home was just two blocks from the trailhead.  We spent significant time in the canyon after school, on weekends, and during summer recess.  The creek naturally would have flowed year-round, but pipes captured it up the canyon.  It flowed into the valley and contributed eventually to the Great Salt Lake only during the late spring and early summer.  This is when the spring runoff flow exceeded the demands of the culinary water system and the Mt. Olympus Spring Waters tanker trucks that constantly drove back and forth from the canyon’s mouth to the downtown bottling plant.

Neffs Canyon offered endless adventures and excitement for us young boys.  There were trails to wander and wildlife to observe.  We observed deer, squirrels, rabbits, birds, snakes, and lizards.  We camped in tents up the canyon with our scout troop and by ourselves.  There was an old abandoned mine shaft (safe, I think!?) to search with flashlights.  There was always something new to explore.

Forty years later I continue to enjoy frequent hikes into Neffs Canyon.  My home is farther away now, so it takes longer to drive to the trailhead.  As I go along the same paths I traveled as a boy, I reminisce about those carefree, exciting times.  More recently I’ve enjoyed reading in more detail about the deer, moose, and rattlesnakes that live there.  I’ve learned about the Rocky Mountain goats that were introduced into the area a while back by government wildlife managers.

I’ve also enjoyed reading about the geology of the canyon.  The many rock outcroppings include pre-Cambrian materials.  I observe how ice-age glacial movements helped form the canyon and created moraines.

I’ve also studied plant life in the canyon from the tall conifers that include fir, spruce, and juniper varieties, to the smaller deciduous trees that include maple, oak, birch, and aspen.

 

When I hike through this canyon, my attention is fully captured in the beauty and intrigue of all of its wondrous features.  The fact that I’m strenuously exercising as I go up, that my heart rate is rapid, and that it is very good for my physical health rarely crosses my mind.  I once described these experiences to a psychologist, who explained that I actually undergo a form of hypnosis.

Without exception, I always leave the canyon feeling refreshed and rejuvenated.  It never matters what concerns and problems that encumber my mind when I enter the canyon.  I exit with better perspectives of my current issues and on life in general.  I just feel better all over.

When my family lived away from Salt Lake City for ten years, I missed my periodic experiences in Neffs Canyon.  I found other “fixes” that gave me similar lifts.  In New Jersey I explored the vast woods behind our home.  In the very flat Chicago area I enjoyed wandering through forest preserves.

My thought is that maintaining and improving good mental health requires periodic escapes from the normal daily grind.  Everyone needs a special place of refuge whether it be a canyon, a golf course, or a baseball stadium.  Such places may not even be in the outdoors:  a library, a museum, or perhaps even in a bustling shopping mall.

Also, we need smaller escapes every day.  I find shorter hiking loops nearer my home when I don’t have a couple of hours.  Reading the newspaper and playing the harmonica are other escapes for me.  Recently I subscribed to a website where I can hear the play-by-play audio of Major League Baseball games.  My brain winds down in the evening through listening to the soothing, interesting voice of the legendary Vin Scully call Los Angeles Dodgers games.  I like the slow pace of baseball games.

An accomplished executive I admire keeps an artist aisle in his office closet.  He pulls it out and does oil painting for several minutes when he needs a stress reliever during his hectic work days.

My experience tells me that escape and replenishments time—long and short—must be proactively and regularly planned and executed, no matter how demanding life gets.  For the sake of our good mental health, we must take the time—even when reminders such as “The creek is running!” don’t naturally cross our way.


0 Comments
    Picture

    See Owen's newer blog posts at Esperanza Magazine's website!

    Author

    Owen Ashton is an author, inspirational speaker, and mental health advocate as well as a CPA and former corporate financial executive.

    Archives

    February 2015
    January 2015
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    July 2014
    February 2013
    January 2013
    November 2012
    October 2012
    May 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011

    Categories

    All
    Advocacy
    Attention Deficit Disorder
    Benefits Of Mental Illness
    Bitterness
    Communication
    Depression
    Focus On People's Stengths
    Getting Help
    Gratitude
    Humor
    Listening
    Openness
    Organizational Mental Health
    Overcoming Adversity
    Parenting
    Psychotherapy
    Recovery
    Recreation
    Self Awareness
    Self-awareness
    Self-esteem
    Spirituality
    Stigma
    Suicide Prevention
    Treating With Dignity And Respect

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.