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Self-Awareness Is Critical to Recovery from Mental Illness

10/16/2014

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Do you ever get so totally caught-up in reading about a topic at various sites on the Internet that you have trouble completely reading the article you were reading in the first place that launched you into your tangent?  That happened to me this morning. 

I was going through my personal morning devotional routine to prepare for the day.  I was reading an article by a religious leader about self-awareness.  He said “Being able to see ourselves clearly is essential to our spiritual growth and well-being.”[i]  I found his words uplifting and inspiring—and it led to some healthy self-reflection.  It was the footnote references that really got me going, however.

I learned a new big word: Anosognosia.  It’s a medical term that Webster’s Dictionary defines as “An inability or refusal to recognize a defect or disorder that is clinically evident.”[ii]  It’s applied to people with brain damage from strokes that don’t recognize that part of their body is paralyzed.  I once saw this condition in a relative.  When she drew a picture of herself, she included only the right side of her body.  Where the left side should be was left blank.  The word is also applied to those with schizophrenia and bipolar disorders who don’t recognize their condition. More than 50 percent of those who suffer from schizophrenia are unaware of it.   I once had a neighbor with schizophrenia who was unaware.  She would say nonsense things to me.  This embarrassed her other family members until they recognized that I understood what was going on and I was sympathetic to their situation.  Since I’ve observed anosognosia multiple times I think I understand what it means—though I can’t pronounce the word!

Here’s another new thing I learned: the Dunning-Kruger effect.  It’s “A cognitive bias manifesting in unskilled individuals suffering from illusory superiority, mistakenly rating their own ability much higher than is accurate.”[iii]  Studies show that college students often significantly overrate themselves in their abilities in logical reasoning, grammar, and humor.  Test scores put some in the 12th percentile, but they rated themselves to be in the 62nd.

I think this topic of self-awareness is very interesting to me because it has had such a big part of my recovery from chronic clinical depression and generalized anxiety.  For years I had anosognosia combined with the Dunning-Kruger effect about my condition.  Until I was able to see my condition more clearly, I was unable to address my problems to get to recovery.

A good friend of mine who, like me, has undergone years of counseling defines psychotherapy as “Getting to know one’s self.”  I agree with this definition.  Therapy helped me get confidence to look at myself and get comfortable with who I am.  My therapists helped me overcome the negative self-talk recordings that constantly ran through my brain that I was a nothing—that I was worthless.  I’ve grown to like and feel comfortable about who I am.  My book entitled “Rising Above Fog” describes this journey.  The “fog” is a lack of self-awareness.

I teach classes and lead support groups for the National Alliance on Mental Illness.  In my community, there are two weekly classes taught: one for those living with mental illness and one for their family members.  There are always many more individuals who attend the classes for family members than those who have mental illness.  I believe part of the reason for this disparity is that often family members more readily recognize the symptoms of mental illness than do those afflicted.

So this morning’s journey into tangential topics on the article I set out to read was poignant and enlightening—and gratefully I’m aware that I took a detour—at least this time.

 
[i] Uchtdorf, Dieter F., Lord, Is It I?; https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/10/lord-is-it-i?lang=eng
[ii] http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/anosognosia
[iii] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect

 


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The Giver: Moving Beyond a World without Emotion and Color

9/12/2014

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The world was without any deep emotion and bland without color.  Earlier this week, Becky and I along with my sister and brother-in-law watched the movie The Giver at a local theater.   We went at Becky’s urging as she enjoyed the book of the same name by Lois Lowry.

The plot is about a community that is controlled by “the elders” who seek a utopian society by eliminating all pain and strife through making everyone live and function the same.  The movie is in black and white.  The elders select an eleven-year-old Jonas, the main character, to be the one “receiver of memory.”   His role is to receive vicariously recollections of the pre-utopian experiences as passed down from the character of “the giver.”  The elders perpetuated the role so they have the benefit of this wisdom to make their collective decisions.  When Jonas is vicariously allowed to experience true happiness and love, the movie screen explodes into color, kind of like what Dorothy’s experience in The Wizard of Oz.  Jonas then yearns that he and his family and friends escape the controlled “utopian” environment so they can experience this higher level of living—even if it means occasionally feeling pain, too.

The movie was extremely moving to me.  It portrayed something similar to my before-and-after of being treated for chronic depression, generalized anxiety, and low self-esteem.  My life before was like being on a constant treadmill—just trying to keep up with everyone’s expectations and completing all of life’s many tasks.  There was little joy in it all.  In my early years, I was taught to suppress my feelings.  This along with a series of painful experiences led me to bury deep inside most of what I felt.  It was “emotional constipation” as one of my cousins describes it.  Further, I was always trying to prove to everyone—and myself—that I was worthwhile through trying to be constantly productive.  But through psychotherapy, I learned to get in touch with myself, to feel, and to enjoy life.

In my book, Rising Above Fog, I liken this before-and-after experience to hiking up a mountain out of the fog of a winter temperature inversion in the Salt Lake Valley.   The Giver movie portrayal may be even better.

Last week I was speaking with a friend about what each of us would consider the best times of his life.  He had just taken his son to college in another state and he reminisced about how great his own college years were.  I told him that my life has become so much richer and more fulfilling since I got help that I’d probably never consider times before as highlights.

A few months ago, one of my sisters shared with me a newspaper article reporting on a speech on mental health at Brigham Young University[i].  Rebecca H. Jackson stated that those suffering from depression and other forms of mental illness often feel disconnect from God and His love.  While I’ve always had the practice of praying and have felt connected to God, I struggled to feel His love until after getting help.  Now I often “feast upon his love[ii],” as one of my favorite scriptures suggests.

This higher way of living and feeling is very delicious to me.  Having lived a large part of my life without it, I often ponder on the contrast the two.  And like Jonas, I seek to help others who are stuck in a less attractive place because of mental illness.  As I was for years, they may be unaware of their situation.  My mantra is to help others live more satisfying and fruitful lives by getting help for mental health challenges.

I join Jonas, the fictional character in the movie The Giver, in exclaiming that moving beyond a world without emotion and color is truly exhilarating!



[i] Deseret News, May 3, 2014, B1


[ii] Jacob 3:2


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Seeing into our Own Blind Spots

10/10/2012

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As I read the newspaper this morning while eating my oatmeal, I noted that Jerry Sandusky, the Penn State former assistant football coach accused of child molestation continues to deny any wrongdoing.  This after at least ten people testified they had been abused by him, and others said they had witnessed his abuse.  He was sentenced to 30 years.  The newspaper said, “A defiant Sandusky gave a rambling statement in which he denied the allegations and talked about his life in prison and the pain of being away from his family.”   (Deseret News, 10/10/12, 1)  The sad saga has been in the news for months and brought shame to an otherwise storied football program and the downfall of legendary coach Joe Paterno.

This story captured my interests because my wife Becky and I are currently helping a good friend survive a bitter divorce and come to grips with the emotional abuse she has suffered—mostly in lonely silence—over many years.  Her soon-to-be-ex-husband’s almost constant put-downs and criticism have left her scarred and beaten down.   Family, friends and neighbors have had glimpse of instances of his abuse, yet didn’t understand the frequency and severity until recently when our friend has opened up.  Despite all this, he continues to claim he is innocent and she is making it all up.

I have come to believe that there is a good chance he really believes in his innocence—as apparently Jerry Sandusky does.  This leads to questions:  How can one be in such extreme self-denial?  How can they not see and take responsibility for the obvious?  Why such big blind spots with cruel consequences?  Is there anything that can be done to help people like this?

There are more sobering and importantly questions: Do I have blind spots that hurt other people?  How do I know if I do?  What can I do to ensure that I can see into them and do something about them?

While we may be limited in what we can do to help others see into their blind spots—as frustrating as it may be, I believe there are things we can do about our own situations:

1.      Develop and maintain close relationship with close family and friends where we are our true, unguarded selves and they feel free to communicate openly with us about anything.

2.      Really listen to these close friends and with profound self-honesty and really think about an analyze input we receive about ourselves.

3.      Develop a strong relationship with God through prayer and ask Him for help in seeing ourselves.  There is a scripture that states, “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness.  I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”  (Ether 12:27)

4.      Get help from mental health professionals and others when appropriate to us help change dysfunctional thinking patterns that lead us do things that hurt others.

I believe in these steps because I have lived through them, and they have helped me—and others around me.  More than two decades ago, my dear wife told me I had become a workaholic and aloof from her and our children. She said this was hurting our family.  Frankly, I didn’t see it.  It was a big blind spot for me.  She suggested I get counseling.  I did, which began a difficult but wonderful journey of understanding myself better, and how some of my habits were hurting those who I loved the very most.   I chose to change.   I may have other problematic blind spots I should see into and deal with.

Seeing into our own blind spots and then seeking to change our unbecoming behaviors are critical to our personal happiness and that of those around us.


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So, Why Don't People Just Get Help?

11/8/2011

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“I would never allow one of my children to be treated for a mental illness issue because they’d carry the stigma the rest of their life.”  This mother of several children also recently told me she knew of someone who had a bad experience with a therapist.

Comments like these truly frustrate me.  They reflect attitudes that feel so ignorant and misguided even though I sense they’re widespread.

I responded to this woman by telling her of the great benefits in my own family from mental health therapy, but my response was inadequate.   I’m still frustrated.  So here I go venting to you, my dear blog readers—though I sense I’m preaching to the choir.

First:   Yes, strong stigmas persist related to mental illness. Things are slowing improving, but not fast enough.  It’s unfortunate, but these are the current realities.  Nevertheless, a child seeking treatment can be taught that there is no more shame in receiving such remedies than for any other ailments.  An enlightened mother or father can help mitigate general societal stigma issues so there’s no need for a negative impact on the child’s self-esteem.  Usually it will be the other way around: treatment will improve self-esteem.

Second:  No one need know other than the individual treated—and his or her parents, if a child is minor.  Even as an adult I received treatment for years without anyone but my wife and therapists knowing.  My employers definitely didn’t know, as I didn’t want to risk career limitations imposed by unenlightened supervisors.  I worked to ensure there were no negative ramifications from stigmas, and it worked.  More recently now that I’m self-employed, I’ve let the whole world know of my struggles.  That’s been cathartic.

I few weeks ago I witnessed an example of how prejudice and misinformation about mental illness is perpetuated through the mass media.  As I was doing some errands in my car I flipped through a few radio channels.  I listened for just a few minutes to a talk show hosts.  He was trying to make a point about how boneheaded a politician from another political party had been.  To add an exclamation point to his analysis, he wanted to add some personal insult.  I could almost hear the gears turning in his head of what he would say.  After a short pause he said, so and so (can’t remember the politician’s name) “is mentally ill.”  Wow, I thought to myself, for someone who frequently brags about how he boldly proclaims the truth, he sure doesn’t is showing his ignorance and lack of education.   Unfortunately, these kinds of statements are heard all too frequently.

Third:  Since when did people stop seeking help because of a bad experience with one professional.  So would they not seek treatment for a broken leg if they’d had an unfortunate encounter with a medical provider sometime in their past?  Of course not!  That would be silly.

Over my twenty years of receiving psychotherapy, I visited with several professionals.  There were multiple reasons for changes included that my family moved states a few times for my work.  Another reasons was that I didn’t “click” with at all with a few of the therapists I met with.  Two or three made me downright angry.  But why would I let that stop me?  I knew I wanted to get to a better place, so I persisted.  And boy has my perseverance paid off!

I was recently chatting with a good friend in his 50s.  He’s very bright and approachable.   His kindness and quick wit make everyone want to be around him.  He told me about his experiences with mental illness.  Several years ago someone commented to him that he likely had an attention deficit disorder.  He thought that was crazy, because he knew he wasn’t “crazy.”   When his wife concurred with the ADD observation, he was shocked.  She said she had not told him before because the condition hadn’t at all bothered her.

He read a book about ADD, which led him to visit a professional, who confirmed that my friend indeed had ADD.  He was also diagnosed as being clinically depressed.  More shock for my friend!   But he was wise enough to do something about these findings.  It took him a while to get the right medications and counseling.  However, he’s now a much happier man and is thrilled that life is now much sweeter and more rewarding.  He overcame his own prejudices on mental illness.  By doing so, he got to a much better place.  Now, he feels comfortable enough to share his journey with others.  I hope everyone listens.

How I wish everyone in the world could right now better understand mental illness for what it is!  Why can’t everyone have epiphanies about it?  It would sure help a lot of people get to a better place.  I’d be a lot less frustrated about it all, too.

OK.  I got it off my chest.  I feel better now.  Thank you for listening.


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    Owen Ashton is an author, inspirational speaker, and mental health advocate as well as a CPA and former corporate financial executive.

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