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Shooting One's Mouth Off Can Perpetuate Harmful Stigmas

1/15/2013

“People who have mental illness issues shouldn't have guns.” That’s the audio clip from New York’s Governor Cuomo that I heard played very early on a recent morning on the top-of-the-hour radio news. I was listening via ear buds connected to my smart phone at I still lay in bed—something I occasionally do when I awake too early still need to rest before tackling the day.

Now some people may feel comfortable with this statement. Not me. I became upset. In fact, I awoke my wife to tell her my feelings. She wisely suggested that I calm down.

Why was I upset? Because comments like this perpetuate and reinforce stigmas about mental illness that prevent people from getting help. After all, this year 25 percent of the population will suffer from a diagnosable mental illness that should be treated. Forty percent of them will not get help. I asked myself, “How many people who own guns and also struggle with mental illness will seek treatment because now they fear their guns will be taken away?”

There is already too much scarring people off from receiving treatment. I recently read that medical doctors who report mental illness on applications have a difficult time getting licensed. The result? Many lie and avoid getting treatment. Airplane pilots face similar challenges. For most of these people, the mental health issues they face have no more impact on their ability to perform well than having a runny nose at the tail end of a cold.

Sometimes I wonder what our world would be like if there had been litmus tests for mental illness for political, religious, and other leaders. Lincoln, Gandhi, Churchill, Martin Luther King, Jr., and others would have been silenced. These men didn't significant impact the course of human history despite their mental illness issues. They did, in part, because of it. They learned resilience, creativity, empathy, and other noble traits.

After I totally gave up on sleeping this morning, I arose and checked the internet to learn the context of Governor Cuomo’s remarks. Sure enough, the little snippet reported on the news didn’t tell the whole story. He was suggesting that those with mental illness whose behaviors indicate they could hurt others should be prohibited from possessing guns. Sounds reasonable.

Mischaracterizations like the one I heard on the news are so unfortunate. They negatively impact many people.

Lifting Depressed Organizations

1/8/2013

My no-nonsense boss, the company’s CFO, was unusually gleeful in our weekly finance management meeting. He announced a two-day all-company management meeting to address internal people relationships issues. He said that the meeting facilitators were from an organization that some considered a cult. Our human resources department had engaged them at the company president’s request. He said he’d never before participated in this kind of thing. How fascinating and different from the normal work routine! All 200 or so in management would attend including those who would fly in from around the country to the Midwestern city of our headquarters. He was so tickled, in fact, that he didn’t even grumble about the large extra expenses for airfare, hotels, and time-off from regular duties in our upstart company.

I knew the company had big people problems. Everyone did. If organizations had personality and mood profiles like people—and I would argue that they do—I would describe our company as having chronic major depression. Something did need to be done for our company to be successful in the long run. And while the president was behind this meeting, everyone—except him—seemed to know that the bottom-line problem was the president himself. He was one of the most un-people-persons I’ve ever known.

He must have been aware of this—at least at some level. People close to him must have told him because at one time he held a series of breakfast meetings to reach out to people with three or four headquarter employees at a time. In my meeting with him, he spoke about the great progress of his company. I don’t recall anyone else saying a word. He asked no questions. He did all the talking.

Once when I passed him in a hallway and said hello, he said nothing, turned his head up and away from me and kind of smirked. I don’t think he did this on purpose. I think he lacked awareness of how his interactions affected others.

Another thing he did was to abruptly fire people—including his key vice presidents. They were directed to leave the building immediately. This seemed to happen when things weren’t going well for him with the company owners. In my mind, he gave the phrase “thrown under the bus” a whole new meaning. I heard an engineer coworker once comment at the water cooler that when there were lions around, the president would throw out the bodies of employees ahead of him.

The time for the big two-day meeting came. It was held in a large basement conference room without windows (probably not a good choice for a meeting like this) in a hotel near our office building. Incidentally, this hotel is where former NFL football star OJ Simpson stayed the night after he fled on a plane from Los Angeles after his wife had been brutally murdered. We employees called the hotel “The OJ Hotel.”

The meeting was okay—not too weird. It felt like kind of a sensitivity training session. We were asked to be very open and share our thoughts and feelings.

While we met, I couldn’t help thinking that there was a big elephant in the room: It was the president’s interpersonal skills and his management tactics. The key problem was that the president didn’t care about and respect other people. In turn, people didn’t respect and care much for him. The emperor wore no clothes.

Please picture this. All company managers at a chronically depressed company held a sensitivity training session led by a cult organization in the “OJ Hotel.” There was a big elephant in the room, and the president wore no clothes. As is said, sometimes fact is stranger than fiction!

But seriously, I don’t think the meeting did much good. Things continued working in pretty much the same way, and the president continued in his old ways. Several months later, I was abruptly terminated and asked to leave the building immediately. The reasons for my termination given by my boss were not the real reasons, I don’t believe. At the time the president was taking heat from the owners and others about some financial projections that the president and I had prepared together. I understand that later, the company and all its operations were sold and the management team was dissolved.

In my mind, I don’t blame the president for what happened to the company or to me. I think he did the best he could at leading the company given the skills and values he possessed at the time. If blame were to be assigned, perhaps it would be with the company ownership who decided to hire him. Even there, however, they did the best they could in their hiring methods.

Even more importantly though, I am sympathetic to his situation. My subordinates in some of my past positions could write pieces like this one on my past gross inadequacies in leadership—and they’d probably be right! This is painful for me to ponder. It’s easier for me to write about someone else’s flaws!

As I look back, the roots of my issues were the chronic clinical depression and anxiety from which I suffered for years. I was unaware of the impact they had on how I led other people. I was focused inward —self-absorbed—and I was insensitive to others. At the prompting of my dear wife, I got help even though I didn’t see the need when I first began. I participated in psychotherapy. I did a lot of work on understanding myself, my suppressed emotions, and painful unresolved memories of my childhood. I now take an antidepressant. My wife and children, who know me best, tell me my interpersonal skills have improved significantly. I like to think that I’d be a better boss although I don’t supervise anyone right now. I’m much happier and life is more fulfilling.

I have no way of knowing the mental health history of the president of my old company. Nevertheless, I suspect he too had issues. Perhaps like me he was unaware of them. I hope he has recognized these issues and has received help to get to a better place.

The leadership lesson here is that people’s interrelationships do have a significant impact on the success of their organizations—and the pattern is almost always set at the top. Mentally healthy leaders lead healthy organizations. Unhealthy people lead depressed organizations.

In his landmark business leadership book Good to Great, Jim Collins addressed the critical impact of top leaders in organizations. He described traits of chief executives of companies he identified as “great”: “No airs of self-importance,” “lack of pretense,” “ambition is first and foremost for the institution, not themselves,” “willful, humble, and fearless,” “they’d talk about the company and the contributions of other executives…but deflect discussion about their own contributions,” and “never wanted to become larger-than-life heroes.” To me, these sound like outward-looking, mentally healthy people who are at-ease with themselves.

There is no easy fix for leaders who desire to improve, to take-on these traits. These are attributes that come naturally from deep within a healthy being. Significant improvement comes from first resolving personal mental health issues. Practicing nice techniques learned in the classroom are just window dressing. Real change in core attributes takes recognition, help from professionals and others, and a lot of time and effort. There are no shortcuts.

Experts say that 25 percent of the population suffers from mental illness that should be treated and of those, 40 percent go untreated. I speculate that these percentages are greater among highly-driven people in management.

In my experience, this journey of achieving awareness, seeking help, and working to recovery are gut-wrenching. Mental illness stigmas, finding the right fit of mental health professionals, discouragement, and other obstacles are tough. But, it’s worth it.

Most of my career has been spent as a bottom-line oriented CPA. I spent over 25 years with “Big Four” international accounting firms and in the financial management of multinational large enterprises. But now I focus on the touchy-feeling matters of people relationships in the workplace and the mental health of organizations. I’ve come to believe that these matters have a bigger impact on the long-term success of organizations than finances, strategic plans, and metrics. (Gasp! Did a hard-nosed, numbers-driven CPA really say that?)

So what is the most important thing a leader can do if his or her organization is struggling with interpersonal relationship issues? Consider looking inside yourself first. Ask the people with whom you are closest and whom you trust if there are personal issues you should address. Listen very carefully. Then, if they so suggest, get help.

This likely will do more than holding an all-management meeting led by a questionable organization in a hotel with a history.

Focus on People's Strengths

11/29/2012

It was the turn of my son-in-law, Andrew, to state few things he was thankful for as we worked our way around the Thanksgiving dinner table with turkey and all the trimmings.

“I’m thankful for Carolyn (his six-year-old daughter) and how she is really good at math. I’m thankful for Angela (four years old) and how she is always so helpful to everyone without being asked.”

When it was our daughter Jannie’s turn, she talked about additional great traits of our wonderful granddaughters.

I was touched! What great parents to recognize the individual talents and gifts of their children, and to express them in a way that builds their self-esteem and confidence.

I was left wondering if they had heard a couple of the same speeches I had over the last few weeks. They said they had not—which left me feeling that great parenting just came naturally to them.

Terri Flint, employee assistance director at a major hospital chain, spoke a few weeks ago at the annual NAMI Utah state convention about how the worst bosses ignore their subordinates, the “next-to-worst” ones criticize them, and the best help them recognize their strengths and empowers them to use those strengths for the benefit of the organization.

A few weeks before that, Henry Eyring, a religious leader spoke of how parents and other leaders should help youth recognize their God-given gifts with which they were born.

I had great parents, but during my difficult teen years, I felt that they were continually criticizing me. My dad told me once he thought that I’d make a good house painter for a career. That’s what I did for summer jobs as a teen. I have great respect for house painters, but that was very far from my career aspirations. I felt that he didn’t see my talents and strength. He didn’t take the time to know me. Looking back, I think this contributed to my issues with depression and low self-esteem that I battled much of my life. Perhaps that’s why I was impressed by what I’ve heard and seen the last few weeks.

Looking for the gifts and strengths of others and helping them see them is important in all of our endeavors. This builds individuals and it builds organizations.

Am I Crazy to be Thankful for Mental Illness?

11/22/2012

This morning I went running with my daughter, Jannie. Becky and I with our son, Richard, traveled to Colorado to celebrate Thanksgiving with her and her wonderful husband and three daughters. I usually hike or bike for my morning exercise, but it was great chatting with her between my heavy breaths. She’s in much better shape than I.

Our discussions led into talking about the genes our families inherited that make us prone to mental illness. I commented that I see these genes as blessings and I told her of this experience.

A couple of weeks ago I heard Fred Frese speak at the annual NAMI Utah state conference held at the University of Utah student union building. Dr. Frese says that as far as he knows, he was the first person with schizophrenia to receive a PhD. He’s made great research and therapy advances in the treatment of this mental disorder. People worldwide applaud him for his accomplishments.

But it wasn’t always that way. In his late twenties he was committed to an Ohio state mental hospital and told that he would spend the remainder of his life there. That was after a Marine Corp diagnosis at age 26. Back then, that’s what was done with people like him. They were discarded from society and warehoused. He was placed in what was considered at the time one of the largest buildings in the U.S.

But a combination of his tenacity and the development of psychotropic mediations changed that. He went on to be a director of the very mental hospital to which he was once committed. What a success story!

He views his disease as not a deficit, but a difference from those who are “chronically normal.” People with schizophrenia usually have greater abilities in theoretical rationality. He put up as evidence John Nash, Nobel Prize winning mathematician on whom the moving “A Beautiful Mind” was based. Further, he projected five digital images of George Washington on the big screen with increasing levels of definition. Those with schizophrenia typically recognize the face at 1 or 2. It took me until 5!

Dr. Frese now gives frequent keynote speeches. He is witty, informative, and engaging. He almost persuaded me that I had been shorted with just having chronic depression and anxiety.

Mental illness can be a blessing if we recognize it, get help, get to a better place, and appreciate it for the thing of benefit that it is. I love this quote: “We must be careful that we don't resent the very things that help us put on the divine nature.”[i] I really believe that dealing with struggles like mental illness help us to be more God-like.

So today I am grateful for the blessing of mental illness among my other God-given gifts.

[i] Paul V. Johnson, Ensign, May 2011

Seeing into our Own Blind Spots

10/10/2012

As I read the newspaper this morning while eating my oatmeal, I noted that Jerry Sandusky, the Penn State former assistant football coach accused of child molestation continues to deny any wrongdoing. This after at least ten people testified they had been abused by him, and others said they had witnessed his abuse. He was sentenced to 30 years. The newspaper said, “A defiant Sandusky gave a rambling statement in which he denied the allegations and talked about his life in prison and the pain of being away from his family.”   (Deseret News, 10/10/12, 1) The sad saga has been in the news for months and brought shame to an otherwise storied football program and the downfall of legendary coach Joe Paterno.

This story captured my interests because my wife Becky and I are currently helping a good friend survive a bitter divorce and come to grips with the emotional abuse she has suffered—mostly in lonely silence—over many years. Her soon-to-be-ex-husband’s almost constant put-downs and criticism have left her scarred and beaten down.   Family, friends and neighbors have had glimpse of instances of his abuse, yet didn’t understand the frequency and severity until recently when our friend has opened up. Despite all this, he continues to claim he is innocent and she is making it all up.

I have come to believe that there is a good chance he really believes in his innocence—as apparently Jerry Sandusky does. This leads to questions: How can one be in such extreme self-denial? How can they not see and take responsibility for the obvious? Why such big blind spots with cruel consequences? Is there anything that can be done to help people like this?

There are more sobering and importantly questions: Do I have blind spots that hurt other people? How do I know if I do? What can I do to ensure that I can see into them and do something about them?

While we may be limited in what we can do to help others see into their blind spots—as frustrating as it may be, I believe there are things we can do about our own situations:

1.      Develop and maintain close relationship with close family and friends where we are our true, unguarded selves and they feel free to communicate openly with us about anything.

2.      Really listen to these close friends and with profound self-honesty and really think about an analyze input we receive about ourselves.

3.      Develop a strong relationship with God through prayer and ask Him for help in seeing ourselves. There is a scripture that states, “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” (Ether 12:27)

4.      Get help from mental health professionals and others when appropriate to us help change dysfunctional thinking patterns that lead us do things that hurt others.

I believe in these steps because I have lived through them, and they have helped me—and others around me. More than two decades ago, my dear wife told me I had become a workaholic and aloof from her and our children. She said this was hurting our family. Frankly, I didn’t see it. It was a big blind spot for me. She suggested I get counseling. I did, which began a difficult but wonderful journey of understanding myself better, and how some of my habits were hurting those who I loved the very most.   I chose to change. I may have other problematic blind spots I should see into and deal with.

Seeing into our own blind spots and then seeking to change our unbecoming behaviors are critical to our personal happiness and that of those around us.

If People Are Our Most Important Asset, Why Aren't They on the Balance Sheet?

5/24/2012

I gaze out the window of the law firm offices in an upper floor of a mid-town Manhattan skyscraper. It is late evening. Civilization is aglow. Thousands of yellow and white lights in neat rows glow from other buildings. I see the red, white, and blue lit tower of the Empire State Building. St. Patrick’s Cathedral spires aim up at me from directly below. I ponder how a boy from the scrub oak, sage brush covered foothills of the Salt Lake Valley has gotten to this place working on a big project at the center of world business. It is not a feeling of pride or arrogance; it is a sense of awe at the privilege of being involved.

We are finalizing the prospectus and Securities and Exchange Commission filing to sell publicly traded bonds to raise about $700 million dollars to help construct NEXTEL’s wireless network infrastructure throughout the country.

In short, we are tempting investors to buy into our company, to invest in us, by buying junk bonds – which aren’t junk but are high risk – and have a nice high yield.

I am the director of financial reporting for the company. My team is comprised of fifteen lawyers, Wall Street investment bankers, big accounting firm auditors, and other NEXTEL executives.

The prospectus is meant to inform potential investors everything they should know about the company: its advantages and strategies in the marketplace, its competition and others risks, its assets, liabilities, and capital structure. However, it doesn’t say one thing about the company’s most important asset—the one that would have the greatest impact in its chances for success.

In this 250-page document filled with small-font information, the people of NEXTEL are not mentioned once! There’s nothing on the balance sheet that reflects the value of people: only cash, investments, other current assets, and the value of FCC radio licenses. In all the narrative verbiage, nothing is said about the people, and how they might contribute to–or detract from–the bonds being a great investment.

In his landmark business management book, “Good to Great,” Jim Collins says that getting the right people on board is absolutely crucial to a great company. People come before market analysis and strategy.

That isn’t just a touchy feely, namby pamby, sweet loving thing to say – it is hard core, hardnosed, bottom line financial smarts.

John Diebold, chairman of the worldwide firm Diebold Consulting, said this: “It would be hard to find a corporate annual report in (the US) that does not state ‘Our most important asset is our people’- yet our accounting rules make it literary impossible to reflect this on the balance sheet, and we have just completed a decade in which business after business in the US has flagrantly ignored its reality in part because this is not the way we ‘keep score.’"

This lack of appropriately valuing people in reporting often translates into decision making and daily treatment of people that hurt business operations. This neglect weakens the bottom line.

In his book “are you a C.E.O. or a P.O.W. ® (now registered with a federal trademark Tom Cantrell), administrative law expert in human resources matters states, “If people managed their financial resources as they do their human resources, they'd be broke within a month and in federal prison.”

Fortunately, there are enlightened business leaders who know better than to waste their number one most important asset.

Recently I had lunch with my little brother who is six inches taller than I. He runs a very successful home mortgage business on Bountiful, Utah’s Main Street. He’s a people-oriented person. We bought Philly-cheese sandwiches from Vito’s, a famous lunch spot in Bountiful, and walked up and down Main Street admiring artists at work for the annual sidewalk chalk art festival.

As we strolled and admired, Kay told me how his ten employees decided together a couple of months ago they’d all read the “Hunger Games” book. Then, Kay agreed that if the office met certain revenue goals, they’d take an afternoon off and see together the “Hunger Games” movie. They did. This is simple, but valuing people and doing the little things that makes them feel valuable yields greater profits.

Really understanding the unique skills, talents, and career goals of each employee, mentoring and coaching, investing in training are crucial things to maintain and enhance our most important asset.

Each of us has the potential of impacting the success of our organizations through properly valuing the people. It doesn’t matter if the human capital of our organization is not reflected on our company’s balance sheet.

Regardless of our perspective—whether doing business from a Manhattan skyscraper, Bountiful’s Main Street, or anywhere in our great country, we can make our organizations more successful by valuing people.

Our people are our greatest asset—despite what the accountants say!

Is It Okay to Laugh about Mental Illness?

12/12/2011

So, is it OK to laugh about mental illness?

Apparently so—and it’s actually therapeutic for some sufferers who learn to do standup comedies about their plights. David Granirer, a mental health counselor, author, and standup comic created a program to help people in Vancouver, Canada cope with mental illness through teaching them standup comedy as therapy. So says Pique Magazine of Whistler, B.C. (http://www.piquenewsmagazine.com/pique/index.php?cat=C_Entertainment&content=David+Granirer+18.45)

I watched a video clip from one of David’s standup routines and thought it was hilarious. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TUCjBWV7IA)

I ran onto this article as I tried to set up my first Google Alert—something recommended at a recent speakers’ convention I attended. I input “mental illness stigma,” and the Pique article popped up.

Because of the feared stigma, many suffer in silence. I did this for many years. It’s tough to do comedy about something that you won’t talk about in any way. But those who can get over that hurdle, why not laugh about it? I’ve enjoyed reading the section “Laughter is the Best Medicine” in Reader’s Digest magazine. So if laughter is so good, why not for mental illness?

So here’s one by Craig Sharf from the www.rd.com website:

“I was diagnosed with antisocial behavior disorder, so I joined a support group. We never meet.”

Good, huh?

Another one by Charles Addams:

Scene: Chair kicked over below glum-faced man hanging with noose around neck AND right arm alongside head. Woman with hands on her hips glares at him.
Caption: "Darn it, Harold, Can't you do ANYTHING right?"

OK. Enough for now at least.

When Feeling Down, Look Up

11/30/2011

A new senior leader of a large organization told of how at the end of a tiring day of his first week, his briefcase was overloaded and his mind as preoccupied with the question, “How can I possibly do this?” He left his office and entered the elevator of his building. As the elevator descended, his head was down and he stared blankly at the floor.

The door opened, and someone entered, but the new leader didn’t look up. As the door closed, he heard someone ask, ” What are you looking at down there?” He recognized the voice as the head the organization. He quickly looked up and responded, “Oh, nothing.” But the head leader had seen his subdued countenance and heavy briefcase. He smiled and lovingly suggested, while pointing heavenward, “It’s better to look up!” As they traveled down one more level, the head leader explained how he was off to a meeting. When he bid the other farewell, his parting glance spoke again to the other, “Now, remember, it is better to look up.”[i]

It’s so easy when we are feeling down and depressed, to get so caught up in the inward pain of the moment. It is easy forget to look upward and to lay our burdens on God and seek his help.

I had a particularly difficult day at work a few years ago. I was despondent when my boss indicted I was incompetent for my current position. Upon reaching my home, I went to a vacant bedroom to pray to try to find some comfort. But I hurt so much inside that I could only lie on the floor and offer my thoughts to God in my mind. It was too difficult to verbalize them or to kneel. I told Him how wounded I felt, how disgusted I was with myself, and how I was reluctant to even address Him with all my weaknesses and failures.

Still lying prostrated on the floor, I found the strength to ask Him for assistance. I sought for comfort that I might endure and overcome the sting in my heart. I implored Him for inspiration and insights as to how I might extricate myself from the dreadful spot I was in.

After that, I started to feel better. A few days later, a good friend suggested that I read a book that turned out to be especially helpful to me. The book helped me understand what I needed to do to get to a better place long term in my career. I also committed to myself that I would strive to make each prayer more serious and deliberate. From then to this day, whenever I say my individual morning and evening prayers, I go into another room to be alone if my wife or others are around. I pray verbally and with more intent than before.

Even still, when I have bad days of depression, I find this practice much more difficult. Nevertheless, when I push through it and earnestly “look up,” things go better, and my down periods tend to be shallower and shorter. I feel I get inspiration about what specifically I can do to help myself pull out of it.

Looking up when we’re feeling down truly helps!

[i] [i] Carl B. Cook, “It’s Better to Look Up,” Ensign, Nov. 2011, 33

So, Why Don't People Just Get Help?

11/8/2011

“I would never allow one of my children to be treated for a mental illness issue because they’d carry the stigma the rest of their life.” This mother of several children also recently told me she knew of someone who had a bad experience with a therapist.

Comments like these truly frustrate me. They reflect attitudes that feel so ignorant and misguided even though I sense they’re widespread.

I responded to this woman by telling her of the great benefits in my own family from mental health therapy, but my response was inadequate.   I’m still frustrated. So here I go venting to you, my dear blog readers—though I sense I’m preaching to the choir.

First:   Yes, strong stigmas persist related to mental illness. Things are slowing improving, but not fast enough. It’s unfortunate, but these are the current realities. Nevertheless, a child seeking treatment can be taught that there is no more shame in receiving such remedies than for any other ailments. An enlightened mother or father can help mitigate general societal stigma issues so there’s no need for a negative impact on the child’s self-esteem. Usually it will be the other way around: treatment will improve self-esteem.

Second: No one need know other than the individual treated—and his or her parents, if a child is minor. Even as an adult I received treatment for years without anyone but my wife and therapists knowing. My employers definitely didn’t know, as I didn’t want to risk career limitations imposed by unenlightened supervisors. I worked to ensure there were no negative ramifications from stigmas, and it worked. More recently now that I’m self-employed, I’ve let the whole world know of my struggles. That’s been cathartic.

I few weeks ago I witnessed an example of how prejudice and misinformation about mental illness is perpetuated through the mass media. As I was doing some errands in my car I flipped through a few radio channels. I listened for just a few minutes to a talk show hosts. He was trying to make a point about how boneheaded a politician from another political party had been. To add an exclamation point to his analysis, he wanted to add some personal insult. I could almost hear the gears turning in his head of what he would say. After a short pause he said, so and so (can’t remember the politician’s name) “is mentally ill.” Wow, I thought to myself, for someone who frequently brags about how he boldly proclaims the truth, he sure doesn’t is showing his ignorance and lack of education.   Unfortunately, these kinds of statements are heard all too frequently.

Third: Since when did people stop seeking help because of a bad experience with one professional. So would they not seek treatment for a broken leg if they’d had an unfortunate encounter with a medical provider sometime in their past? Of course not! That would be silly.

Over my twenty years of receiving psychotherapy, I visited with several professionals. There were multiple reasons for changes included that my family moved states a few times for my work. Another reasons was that I didn’t “click” with at all with a few of the therapists I met with. Two or three made me downright angry. But why would I let that stop me? I knew I wanted to get to a better place, so I persisted. And boy has my perseverance paid off!

I was recently chatting with a good friend in his 50s. He’s very bright and approachable.   His kindness and quick wit make everyone want to be around him. He told me about his experiences with mental illness. Several years ago someone commented to him that he likely had an attention deficit disorder. He thought that was crazy, because he knew he wasn’t “crazy.” When his wife concurred with the ADD observation, he was shocked. She said she had not told him before because the condition hadn’t at all bothered her.

He read a book about ADD, which led him to visit a professional, who confirmed that my friend indeed had ADD. He was also diagnosed as being clinically depressed. More shock for my friend!   But he was wise enough to do something about these findings. It took him a while to get the right medications and counseling. However, he’s now a much happier man and is thrilled that life is now much sweeter and more rewarding. He overcame his own prejudices on mental illness. By doing so, he got to a much better place. Now, he feels comfortable enough to share his journey with others. I hope everyone listens.

How I wish everyone in the world could right now better understand mental illness for what it is! Why can’t everyone have epiphanies about it? It would sure help a lot of people get to a better place. I’d be a lot less frustrated about it all, too.

OK. I got it off my chest. I feel better now. Thank you for listening.

Stigma Kills People

10/11/2011

“He is mentally ill!” That’s was her ultimate insult about her difficult neighbor of many years after she vented for about fifteen minutes about his continual irritating, erratic behavior.

I didn’t respond very well at our lunch table at the small Mexican restaurant with a few friends last week. I looked at her sharply and said, “Well, exactly what mental illness does he have anyway? I’m mentally ill too!”

Now that I’ve caught myself and thought about it, I’m confident that I’ll respond more kindly and appropriately the next time I hear a comment like that. She really meant no harm by her ill-informed comment. A lot of people like to use the stigma around mental illness as a verbal weapon.

That said, I really am sick of this disgusting, unenlightened, harmful thing that seems so ubiquitous in our culture. As far as I could tell, no one at our table was hurt from her comment. However, people that perpetuate this kind of talk only further emotionally beat down people who are already feeling the shame of mental illness, and may further discourage them from seeking help. Some portion of those who don’t get help die from suicide. So, my logic tells me that this horrific stigma leads to many deaths.

In a recent year, 827 individuals in my home state of Utah completed suicide. That’s almost three times more that the number of deaths from auto accidents. There is a healthy focus on preventing such deaths through discouraging drunk driving. Well, perhaps we all need reminders and encouragement not to perpetuate mental illness stigma. Perhaps this could prevent many deaths. Maybe billboard, public service announcements, and other mass communications could help. When I make my millions (but don’t hold your breath!) I could fund ,many such communications.

Occasionally, I see courageous acts of people that do give me hope. I see gutsy individuals who do the right thing despite the negativity. One came yesterday. I was manning a booth for NAMI Utah at a convention for educators. A young woman with long blond hair and a pleasant demeanor approached. She told me that she had been the head of the NAMI student organization at her college. She explained that earlier in her college years, she had spent time in the psychiatric ward of a hospital and was diagnosed with bipolar. Since then, counseling and medications have been helpful, and she was enjoying her first year of teaching high school.

I marvel at her good judgment and bravery. She not only did not allow stigma get in her way of getting to a better place, but she stared it down by being a mental health standard bearing among her college peers.

With people like her in the world, there is great hope that cultural progress will be made! The terrible stigma can be eradicated!